Maplewood History: No Colluding with the Rushin’

Bill Jones is back with another of his priceless memories. After you read this story about an experience a female friend of Bill’s had, I think you’ll agree that when her date wanted to rush things, she was definitely not colluding. DH

“THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN OFT GO AWRY”

We Maplewood kids were all good kids . Sexuality was never a discussion in my 4 years at Maplewood High and my close friend waited four decades before sharing
this tale with me. When a teenager, she met a tall young man at our Esquire Bowling Lanes and befriended him. For a few weeks, they had Nehi’s together and then he invited her on a date—supper at Munzert’s on Laclede Station Road. She called her mom and got permission.

On the “date”, weeks later, the young man talked about his school’s athletics and
boasted that he was the tallest on their team. Munzert’s Restaurant was an old favorite of all the kids and they enjoyed a light supper there. After supper, he
politely asked if they could take a drive so they drove out Laclede Station Road to the Kenrick Seminary and parked by the rose bushes. She asked “Where are we?”
He said, “Kenrick Catholic Seminary”. It was actually a favorite “petting place”
for many high school students.

The Kenrick Seminary was dark and while they talked in the dark, she became worried when he began to get a little too friendly and she expressed her concern! He politely said “Pardon”. Then he looked at his slacks and said, “Whoa—I need to wear these slacks to school tomorrow. He proceeded to get out of the car, pulled a wooden trouser hanger off its hook, took off his trousers and carefully hung his pants up behind the driver’s seat. Then my friend really became alarmed by his behavior. The car was still running, so my little friend slid under the steering wheel and stomped on the gas, leaving him in the rose bushes! She drove right through the rose bushes to the street.

Then she drove directly to the Police Station and told them her story. They assured her she did the right thing. They asked, “How do we recognize him?” (But they couldn’t stop laughing!) She said, “He’s the tall blond guy in his underwear in the rose bushes.” The policeman then asked “Where are his trousers?” She opened the back door to the car and said, “I poured a can of red transmission oil over them so he couldn’t wear them to school tomorrow. I think his wallet is there with lots of oil, too. His keys are in the ignition.”

The policeman drove her home and still couldn’t stop laughing. She began to
enjoy this, too, and asked, “What happens next? The Sergeant said, “We’ll ticket
him for indecent exposure and make copies of his driver’s license for the Seminary
to be refunded for the roses. She asked, “Do you have to give him a ticket?” The
Sergeant said, “Our judge will enjoy this as much as we do. We’ll lock the boy up
overnight and let him explain everything to his parents tomorrow. Don’t be concerned if he says ‘She stole my car’. After his folks read our report, if they don’t take his car away, we’ll enjoy following this up. You did everything right, young lady and we admire you. Here’s our number. Call us if he bothers you again and we’ll pick him up again and pour oil on his pants like you did.”

She told her folks about everything and her Dad wanted the kids’ name but her Mom said, “Let it alone— our daughter handled everything correctly—be proud of our daughter. The boy’s parents will probably change his school and go with him to his own priest for his confession !

Billy Jones
MRH Class of ’45